Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize