I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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