He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize