So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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