you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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