During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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