He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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