yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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