when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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