whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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