i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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