my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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