No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My pussy is not your playground.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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