Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize