I can't watch pbs sober anymore
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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