Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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