Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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