I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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