Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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