youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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