My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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