hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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