I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They took my balls.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
