i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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