im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
that is very illegal...i love you.
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