Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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