ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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