I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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