Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize