can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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