u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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