First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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