I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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