i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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