oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize