Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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