ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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