I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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