i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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