you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize