yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize