Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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