My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Xanax blowdarts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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