So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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