I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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