DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
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I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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