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I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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