Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (713)

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  (713): View more from Texas

  I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece

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  (713): I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece http://tfl.nu/wzfc
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.

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  Yeah you should have just let that thought go.

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  (512): He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay. (713): Yeah you should have just let that thought go. http://tfl.nu/ru9t
  Replies (4) Good night (981) Bad night (572)
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  That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.

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  (713): That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes. http://tfl.nu/7uvj
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  It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution

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  (713): It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution http://tfl.nu/g3ws
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  I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...

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  (713): I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year... http://tfl.nu/git3
  Replies (5) Good night (1196) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
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  My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal

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  (713): My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal http://tfl.nu/z8hr
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  Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.

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  (713): Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America. http://tfl.nu/d35e
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  There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special

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  (713): There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special http://tfl.nu/6w5y
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  Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?

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  (713): Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out? http://tfl.nu/0l6b
  Replies (7) Good night (1797) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
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  You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".

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  (713): You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress". http://tfl.nu/1fwn
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  I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.

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  (713): I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester. http://tfl.nu/tak8
  Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
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  Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.

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  (713): Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga. http://tfl.nu/fdid
  Replies (12) Good night (798) Bad night (1827) Order T-Shirt
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house

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  So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?

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  (832): The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house (713): So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh? http://tfl.nu/xori
  Replies (15) Good night (3738) Bad night (610)
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  We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.

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  (713): We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning. http://tfl.nu/f21r
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Are we hungover?

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  I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.

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  (254): Are we hungover? (713): I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it. http://tfl.nu/8xx2
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