Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (713)

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  He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk

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  (713): He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk http://tfl.nu/6kdn
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  onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.

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  (713): onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper. http://tfl.nu/3zpi
  Replies (10) Good night (1339) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you

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  (713): I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you http://tfl.nu/33e4
  Replies (7) Good night (465) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.

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  (713): I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/2wij
  Replies (10) Good night (1395) Bad night (704)
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  Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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  (713): Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere. http://tfl.nu/qua7
  Replies (3) Good night (1048) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  I want to celebrate with you...

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  There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.

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  (713): I want to celebrate with you... (214): There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner. http://tfl.nu/n2zn
  Replies (3) Good night (1531) Bad night (560)
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  OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?

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  (713): OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'? http://tfl.nu/3dip
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  Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.

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  (713): Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery. http://tfl.nu/8vi4
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  Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made

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  (713): Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made http://tfl.nu/mjv4
  Replies (3) Good night (1961) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
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  He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.

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  (713): He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that. http://tfl.nu/cec8
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  just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

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  (713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00
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  OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?

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  (713): OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer? http://tfl.nu/g8wt
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  I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.

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  (713): I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me. http://tfl.nu/01pr
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  he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"

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  (713): he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses" http://tfl.nu/ra51
  Replies (11) Good night (742) Bad night (1661)
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  screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.

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  (713): screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude. http://tfl.nu/sk5p
  Replies (4) Good night (1579) Bad night (1344)