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Last Night in Maryland (443)

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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?

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(443): a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy? http://tfl.nu/2h5u

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its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten

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so glad i banged her when she was skinny

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(443): its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten (301): so glad i banged her when she was skinny http://tfl.nu/17dv

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So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

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I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

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(302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83

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My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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(443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm

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I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(443): I could have mohawked her pubes. http://tfl.nu/msas

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onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

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he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

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(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h

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That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.

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(443): That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face. http://tfl.nu/yqg0

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Just cropdusted the office

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(443): Just cropdusted the office http://tfl.nu/i6zb

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the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms

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(443): the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms http://tfl.nu/2y09

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Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check. http://tfl.nu/gtrd

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why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

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haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

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that only happened once.

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(443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml

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How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?

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4.

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(443): How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner? (402): 4. http://tfl.nu/fuje

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when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her

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(443): when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her http://tfl.nu/gfqm

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and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.

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(443): and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life. http://tfl.nu/6kb7

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just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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(443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9

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Last Night in Maryland (443)

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