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So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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