Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington (360)

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  I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.

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  (360): I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day. http://tfl.nu/9n5p
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  I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.

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  (360): I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box. http://tfl.nu/hoaw
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  I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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  (360): I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise. http://tfl.nu/2iu1
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  Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.

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  (360): Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days. http://tfl.nu/cbkv
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  And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things

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  (360): And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things http://tfl.nu/rkjt
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  My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died

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  (360): My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died http://tfl.nu/olk7
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  There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.

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  (360): There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle. http://tfl.nu/htoq
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  I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite

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  (360): I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite http://tfl.nu/ql58
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  I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

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  (360): I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina. http://tfl.nu/nx7q
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  I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.

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  (360): I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved. http://tfl.nu/qhmk
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  You fed me pizza off a sword last night.

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  (360): You fed me pizza off a sword last night. http://tfl.nu/xrl7
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  ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.

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  (360): ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all. http://tfl.nu/5hyy
  Replies (9) Good night (1935) Bad night (337)
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  Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.

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  (360): Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass. http://tfl.nu/ehtn
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  I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?

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  (360): I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years? http://tfl.nu/xhbr
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  Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.

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  (360): Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable. http://tfl.nu/uogv
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